Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Randomize
