Whod you bang
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
