There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
