This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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