she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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