My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
