Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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