babies were throwing up all over the place
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Randomize
