Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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