I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I licked your asshole in confidence.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
