We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Randomize
