I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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