I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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