I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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