If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize