I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
