Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
