I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
