there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
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