I met the friendliest cop last night
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
