fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
