you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
