I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize