i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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