how can u be prego again
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
