I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
