I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
