they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
