I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
