I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
