dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
