Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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