i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Randomize
