Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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