you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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