Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
