My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
I'm going to jail i love you
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
