did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
