Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
