Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
