I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
