Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
