good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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