I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
