none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
