I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I am one with the molecules
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
