Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
