No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
