i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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