very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
This is my gift to your gina
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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