We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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