Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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