I molested 6 butterflies tonight
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
there's paper in my vomit.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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