I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
