my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
