You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
