Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize