after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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