I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
