wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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