just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
