Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
