dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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