Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I just had sex on a roof
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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