He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize