time to smoke my breakfast
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
