For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
