She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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