so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
