4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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