I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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